Breathe In, Breathe Out
by ILoveRomione1
Summary: Kitty was crumbling and Marley was fine. Kitty was falling and Marley was lost. Kitty was dying and Marley was dead. And so they breathed, once, twice, together… Until they both felt like one and nothing else mattered. They breathed. Once. Twice. They were free. [Kitty and Marley, Rated M for sensetive topics: Eating Disorders and Depression]


_Warning: This story discusses eating disorders and depression and it may be triggering for some people. Read cautiously._

_disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, sadly. _

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**Breathe In, Breathe Out...**

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**Monday, 3:02 pm.**

Kitty Wilde walked through the halls of McKinley High, hugging her books to her chest as she strode past lockers and other student, a confident smirk plastered onto her face. She threw the occasional wink at some fortunate boy, who gawked at her short cheerleader skirt as it danced around her thighs. She walked confidently to her next class, swinging her hips as she walked, _confidently_, she told herself, _not a care in the world_.

She wore that mask. A mask to hide all her insecurities; a mask to hide all the times she felt like she would crumble. She couldn't do that; she couldn't let herself show weakness. She needed to be strong and act as though what she did wasn't tearing at her insides, ripping her open every single time _She_ looked at her. To act as if though looking in the mirror wasn't one of the hardest things to do, to act as if though seeing _Her_ every day in that state didn't make her nauseous with regret.

But if Kitty couldn't stay strong, how could Marley possibly get though anything the former had caused?

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**2010.**

Kitty gripped the door knob, twisting it slightly to make sure the lock had turned into place. She could vaguely hear music floating upstairs from the kitchen, where her mom was surely to be sitting at the table, having a glass of white wine or tea before going to bed.

Her heart was thumping erratically in her chest as it always did when she heard the faint click of the lock on her bathroom door. She knew she ought to stop, to take a deep breath like her stupid shrink had suggested, but her body thought otherwise. She bit her lip slightly and started to undress, not meeting her reflection on the mirror.

Half naked, she tentatively brought her eyes up, already disgusted at the sight of her thighs on the mirror. Her sight blurred slightly with unshed tears that she angrily wiped off with the back of her hand. Her eyes scanned over her stomach –that _disgusting _stomach –and her hands automatically clawed at the skin covering it.

Her nails raked over her exposed skin, making it red under her fingers, and a strangled sob ran through her body. Her knees gave in to the pressure that was pulling her down, and she fell to the corner of the crowded bathroom, away from the mirror. She curled up into herself, hiding from anything and everything because the world was against her and she couldn't take it anymore.

Kitty gasped and sobbed, prodding and pinching the skin that covered her body. Her hands balled up into fists and were pressed angrily into her eyes, until she saw blackness and a show of lights behind her lids. She trembled with all her emotions; the fear, the anger, the disgust, the pain… oh the pain. It was excruciating, and she wished the whole world could feel as she did, only to make them understand –they don't understand…

_I am disgusting I am disgusting I am disgusting I am disgusting_.

She was shaking and she could not make the voices in her head stop and she was disgusting and she would never be good enough… Her breathing was heavy and she could vaguely hear the music her mother was playing but it was all muffled by the unstoppable voices in her head that were driving her insane. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs and tell them to just shut up but she knew they wouldn't, she knew they were there for a reason… she knew they wouldn't go away unless she gave them what they were asking for.

And so she did. And as she retched into her toilet, two fingers stuck down her throat, she could feel the pain and the disgust and all those _words_ emptying out of her, and she could feel her head getting lighter by the second, and she could finally breathe and feel.

And so the voices became softer, but they didn't disappear, they never disappeared. Because she knew it wasn't enough, and she knew that she had to keep going to give the world what it wanted, but for now she was free…

And that was all she wanted, she wanted to be free.

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**Monday, 4:39 pm.**

Marley sat, slouched in her seat, waiting for every minute that slowly dragged by that day at Glee Club to be the one that would finally be the end of the class. She watched as Kitty rolled her eyes at something Blaine has said (she'd bet her money it was about gays), and added a surely snarky comment in return. She watched as Kitty sat, crossed legged, on the piano bench next to Artie, who couldn't look happier at the sight of her. She watched as Kitty threw her head back, laughing at something Artie had said, and the laughter died from her lips as she caught Marley's eye, who deliberately stared back. Kitty offered her a small smile, which Marley didn't return.

She didn't return many smiles these days, as she wondered clumsily through the halls, avoiding her friends at all costs. She didn't really feel like there was a reason to smile anymore, and she certainly didn't think Kitty, of all people, was worthy of being on the receiving end on the rare occasions she did.

She couldn't wrap her mind around how this had happened… How could she have been so stupid? Of course, she didn't blame Kitty; not really. Sure, the blonde had shrunk her skirts to make her think she was gaining weight, and sure, Kitty had been the one to advise her to make use of her two fingers… But after all, it had been Marley who had let it get to her. And it wasn't as if it was the first time she had been overly obsessive about her body. To be completely honest, Marley couldn't remember a single time when she had felt comfortable with the way she was.

Every day, she found something new; a new flaw, a new pound, a new struggle. She'd always been bullied because of her mom, and it had always affected the way she felt about herself. She lived in a perpetual state of paranoia when it came to her body and how it looked to the rest of the world.

As soon as she and her mom had moved into Ohio and Marley had transferred schools, and as soon as the fat jokes had begun, she had known it was only a matter of time before something like this would happen. Only she never thought she'd let it come so far… She never had before.

And so she knew, deep inside, that it wasn't Kitty's fault… she had only been the trigger.

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"I'm fine."

Those were the words that Marley had become so used to uttering; as a sigh, as an explanation, as a laugh, as a reproach. She would exhale those words, as a whisper that didn't reach her eyes, but it was good enough for anyone who would listen. Of course, she didn't really believe them. She wasn't fine, she never would be. How could she be fine? How could she possibly be fine when all she wanted was to eat and live and breathe and be _normal_. She wanted it so badly… she wanted to eat until she could no more and she wanted to go out with her friends and be able to not worry about anything. But of course she couldn't, not with them watching.

She couldn't do anything, really. They were always watching. When she took a bite, they were watching. She could feel them judging her every move. When she thought they were gone, they'd make themselves present my whispering word of reproach into her ear and making her want to cream out loud for someone, anyone, to rescue her from the pain and the hurt they brought. But she didn't, because people looked at her and asked how she was, and all she could bring herself to say was, "I'm fine."

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**Monday, 7:24 pm.**

When Kitty went home that night, it was worse than any other day. The urge was gnawing at her insides to be taken into account, but she wouldn't let herself go back there again. She wouldn't let herself retreat into that dark hole as she once had.

But that night, she thought, that night was different. She couldn't bear the thought of walking into that bathroom and locking that door once again, and torture herself over something she had tried so hard to fight. Instead, she felt an urge to get as far away as she could from that place. She wanted to scream at the world, tell them that she wouldn't give in. Not this time around. She would fight back.

And so that night, instead of collapsing onto her bed to rest, just rest for once, she walked into her room, took one look at the bathroom door, and ran back out. She ran and ran until she found herself somewhere she should've been weeks ago, somewhere she had been too much of a coward to go before. She found herself knocking at Marley's front door.

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**Monday, 7:49 pm.**

Marley opened the front door of her house, her long hair up in a lazy bun and her clothes hanging loosely over her body. What she saw brought her to a halt, as she stared wide eyed, at the girl in front of her. Marley took in the sight of Kitty, standing there while she shook with silent sobs, looking as vulnerable as she had ever seen her. Her eyes were red and her cheeks were wet but Marley didn't utter a single word. She couldn't, she was too shocked as the blonde swept past her and into her house, not waiting for Marley to invite her in.

Speechless, Marley closed the door behind her and followed Kitty into her house, wondering what on earth she thought she was doing and why she was crying. She found Kitty curled up in a ball on one of the old couches in her living room.

"Kitty?" Marley asked tentatively, only half annoyed with her for showing up without an explanation. It had been months since she had found out about the skirts, but Kitty had still showed no signs of wanting to apologize to the taller girl. "What are you doing here?"

Kitty looked up at her, and Marley held in a gasp upon seeing the look in the other girls eyes. "I'm so sorry, Marley," she sobbed, burying her head in her arms.

Marley sat down slowly net to her and put an arm around her. Kitty flinched when she felt how bony it was. "Kitty—"

"No," she cut across, lifting her head to meet Marley's eyes. "I'm sorry, I really am, I don't know why I did that to you… I should have… I—"another sob shook her body as she gasped for air she couldn't find.

Marley had tears in her eyes, looking down at Kitty made her feel as though someone else was finally feeling her pain, and maybe that was all she needed. She couldn't know for sure, but she felt as though Kitty understood some hidden part of her that was dying every day. Kitty looked so vulnerable, curled up on her couch like that, that Marley couldn't bring herself to feel anything but sympathy for her, and all her previous anger was beginning to fade with every whispered word and soft touch.

So instead of saying anything or screaming at her for doing this to her, Marley wrapped her skinny arms around Kitty and sat there, waiting for the pain to fade as she had done so many times in the past.

And so they breathed, once, twice, together…

Until they both felt like one and nothing else mattered but that they were there for each other, and they would get through this together.

They breathed.

Once.

Twice.

They were free.

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_Hi! I hope you enjoyed this one shot... okay, maybe not enjoyed, it isn't exactly pleasant. Anyway, this was actually supposed to be a Kartie one shot, and then something changed and it was going to be a Karley one shot.. and then suddenly this happened. Don't ask. _

_I hope you liked this lovely people, and I'd like to hear your thoughts in the reviews ;) _

_you guys are wonderful, Nicole. _


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